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kmorg
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PostSubject: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:27 pm

I always love to discuss bad movies, so I decided to start a new thread about the subject.

When I was younger, I collected horror/splatter movies. There were many strange movies that defied classification that for some reason were always lumped in to the horror section. "Eraserhead" is such a movie, This weird flick is totally impossible to understand, and I dare say that no one can actually say if they like it or not, it just leaves you numb! And that brings me to my worst movie ever entry, a movie that was probably somewhat inspired by 'Eraserhead', but is 10 times more weird; The Japanese movie "Tetsuo" (aka "Tetsuo: The Iron Man") from 1989:



Synopsis (from Wikipedia)

The film opens with a man (called only "the man", or the "Metal Fetishist"), cutting open a massive gash in his leg and then shoving a large threaded steel rod into the wound. Later, upon seeing maggots festering in the wound, he screams, runs out into the street, and is hit by a car. The driver of the car, dressed as a Japanese Salaryman (cult actor Taguchi Tomorowo), and his girlfriend try to cover up the mess by dumping the body into a ravine, but the dumped man gets revenge by forcing the Salaryman's body to gradually metamorphose into a walking pile of scrap metal. This process starts when the driver finds a piece of metal stuck in his cheek while shaving. He tries to remove it, but realizes it is growing from the inside.

The scene shifts to the Salaryman at his home having breakfast, with a bandage over his cheek. The Salaryman receives a phone call, consisting of nothing but him and the other speaker (possibly his girlfriend) continuously saying "Hello?" to each other and thinking back to having sex after dumping the Metal Fetishist.

The first of several highly stylized chase scenes starts with the driver pursued through an underground train station by a woman whose body has been taken over by the Metal Fetishist. The Salaryman seems to win this encounter by breaking the back of the radically transformed woman (she begins the sequence as a demure office worker and ends it as a wild metal-infected woman) after he has erupted with even more metal on his ankles and arm.

The next segment is a terrifying dream sequence where the Salaryman's girlfriend, transformed into an exotic dancer with a snake-like metal probe, terrorizes and rapes the Salaryman. After waking from this dream, the Salaryman and his girlfriend have sex at his apartment and eat erotically. As she eats each bite given to her, he hears the sounds of metal scraping. The Salaryman suddenly discovers his penis has mutated into a gargantuan power drill. A fight ensues where the Salaryman terrorizes his girlfriend, and acquires more and more metal on his body. She both fights back and in the end impales herself on his drill and dies.

Helpless to do anything, The Salaryman (now having become the Iron Man) is paid a visit by the Metal Fetishist. The Fetishist uses his power to terrorize not only Iron Man, but turns his cats into grotesque metal creatures, and comes in through the corpse of his dead girlfriend and shows him the vision of a "New World" of nothing but metal. The Iron Man flees and is followed by the Metal Fetishist into an abandoned building. After the Metal Fetishist explains to the Iron Man how both of them became what they are, a final battle ensues. The Iron Man ends by attempting to merge himself with the Fetishist into a horrific two-headed metal monster. The two agree to turn the whole world into metal and rust it, scattering it into the dust of the universe by claiming "Our love can put an end to this smurfing world. Let's Go!" The duo charges through the streets of Japan. The film ends with the words "GAME OVER" as opposed to "The End" after the closing credits.




To make matters worse, the movie quickly gained cult status. So in 1992 a follow up, or rather a remake was made, named "Tetsuo II: Body Hammer". I've seen this too, and it's even worse, becasue the novelty of seeing the werid first movie is totally gone here, so it's just plain stupid and boooooooooooooooooooooring! Reding up on this movie I discovered that a 3rd movie was released last year, titled "Tetsuo: The Bullet Man". This 3rd movie is the first one with English laguage, and will never see the inside of my Blue Ray player!!

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:39 pm

Now that's a unique movie ! Your synopsis makes me want to see it although I'm sure I'd end up regretting it.
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:44 pm

See my entry for Andy Milligan's "Carnage" in my Dollar Store DVD thread. It's just.... just... ugh.

Never seen "Tetsuo" but I have heard from people whose opinion I respect to avoid it at all costs so I have no plans to ever check it out.

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kmorg
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:49 pm

Here is an in-depth review of the film. VERY entertaning reading:

http://www.mandiapple.com/snowblood/tetsuo.htm

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 12:52 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 1:16 pm

kmorg wrote:
Here is an in-depth review of the film. VERY entertaning reading:

Uhhhhh.... yeahhh, OK, I think I'll continue to pass on this. Sounds a little too "artsy" and not enough "fartsy" for me.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 1:43 pm

'Eraserhead' is amazing, an outwardly different or 'shocking' aesthetic can't be enough to put someone off while saying it's the film that has nothing to offer... An imperfect film, but sums up any kind of fear or anxiety anyone could ever have on being a new father. I hugely enjoyed the film.

I own 'Tetsuo' and the crazy points do factor in for me with it, but I also like it a lot because I am a sucker for bioindustrial and cyberpunk themes, which it's full of. A lot of interesting ideas in the film. The sequel is supposedly more streamlined and higher budget, but I haven't found it anywhere to see it yet.

The two worst movies I've probably seen, pound for pound:





After that, probably 'Soul Plane' or something like it.
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 2:58 pm

I like Tetsuo. There's a "sequel" of sorts called "Rubbers Lover" too.

Worst movie I've ever seen is called Begotten.

Makes absolutely no sense, filmed in black and white and deliberately dark, blurry and with scratches. No dialogue.

This quote from a user review at IMdb.com should tell you all you need to know"

Quote :
Definitely one of the most bizarre pieces of moviemaking you will ever see. You need to sit through "Eraserhead," "Tetsuo:The Iron Man," and the like to have at least some preparation for this one.

Begotten makes Manos look like Citizan Kane.

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Orion Crystal Ice
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 3:54 pm

yeah, 'Begotten' is garbage, I don't subscribe to 'it means whatever you want it to mean' in art. The other two films being black and white and 'strange' don't provide for any apt comparison. Oddly enough the same director also made 'Shadow of the Vampire' which is great (it's about Max Schreck actually being a vampire during the filming of 'Nosferatu'). Of course, he didn't *write* it..
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 5:09 pm


THIS is the worst movie ever....and I love it so much.


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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:18 pm

I can't narrow it down to one, but some of the worst movies I've seen are:
Bloody Murder
Children of the Living Dead
Dark Harvest 2:The Maize
Texas Chainsaw Massacre:the Next Generation
R.O.T.O.R
The Howling:New Moon Rising
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:34 pm

Oh yeah, TCM: TNG was pretty bad.

Still looks like Gone With The Wind compared to Begotten though.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 7:23 pm

How about these fine examples:
Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes
The Toxic Avenger
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 7:26 pm

I love Toxic Avenger!

Yeah it's bad but it's "funny bad". It also has some pretty good gore FX.

Killer Tomatoes is just plain funny.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 7:31 pm

I agree. I laughed my butt off the first time I saw Killer Tomatoes in the Video store, and that was before I rented it and watched it.
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:43 pm

tohostudios wrote:
I love Toxic Avenger!

Yeah it's bad but it's "funny bad". It also has some pretty good gore FX.


Toxic Avenger (like all Troma films) is kinda "bad" on purpose.

The fat guy who gets "pressed" to death in the dry cleaner's store in "Toxic" taught English at my high school. He seemed embarrassed by it whenever someone brought it up to him, though.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:57 pm

Something by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:02 pm

Plan 9 From Outer Space... worst movie ever.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Fri Apr 23, 2010 10:05 pm

Scream A.K.A The Outing

By far the most tedious movie I've ever seen. The acting is practically non-existent, the characters aren't the least bit sympathetic, and all of the kills happen off camera, only to be seen through silhouettes.


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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:18 am

mc666 wrote:
Plan 9 From Outer Space... worst movie ever.

I never understood that, because this film is actually entertaining. Ed Wood made other moveis that were far worse, like "Glen Or Glenda" f.ex. "Plan 9 from Outer Space" is unintentionally fun, and that disqualifies it from being bad, imo.

And the Toxic Avenger movies are far from being bad. They are VERY good at being what they are meant to be, intentional z-grade splatter movies. The same goes for the Killer Tomato movies, although I got to admit that they are far more boring to watch.

This "Begotten" movie sounds bad though.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:27 am

kmorg wrote:
mc666 wrote:
Plan 9 From Outer Space... worst movie ever.

I never understood that, because this film is actually entertaining. Ed Wood made other moveis that were far worse, like "Glen Or Glenda" f.ex. "Plan 9 from Outer Space" is unintentionally fun, and that disqualifies it from being bad, imo.

Ed Wood was just bad, no matter how you go about it.

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 7:35 am

anything directed by Roland Emmerich or Michael Bay. They should both be launched into orbit as soon as possible.
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 7:53 am

detuned wrote:
anything directed by Roland Emmerich or Michael Bay. They should both be launched into orbit as soon as possible.

I liked Bay's "The Rock" (Sean Connery is sooooooo bad ass in that movie!!) but I think he blew his wad on that flick. All of his other stuff that I've seen feels like I'm watching someone else play a video game.

Emmerich I can take or leave. I liked "Independence Day," but his "Godzilla" was crap and "Day after Tomorrow" was just ridiculous. (Though I must note that my 7 year old LOVES "Day after Tomorrow" so I own the DVD....hahaha) I haven't seen "2012" yet but I'm sure I will at some point now that my son is starting to dig the "World Gets Destroyed In A Flaming Cataclysm" genre. Laughing very hard

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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:54 am

Quote :
Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes
The Toxic Avenger

These are great and classic movies! "Pass the ketchup."
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PostSubject: Re: Worst movie ever   Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:17 am

detuned wrote:
anything directed by Roland Emmerich or Michael Bay. They should both be launched into orbit as soon as possible.

Can we make room on that launch for Uwe Boll?

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