I told the last guy I was going to come occupy his house....

Holy crap, the guy actually wrote back to my "yes, it's true, I died" e-mail!!!

Quote:

Dear Sir, This fund in question is a result of compensation fund to all foreign contractors whom have been scammed before, and I must you are very lucky for your name to be included. After going through your mail, be inform that we have withdraw all the dealing we have with MR. GERSHON SHAPIRO who was claiming to be your representative here in my office over your contract inheritance fund. Note he has been arrested which his to face the consequences of whom most of them are presently under the police custody and will face prosecution under section 35 A sub section 1-2-4 of the criminal code of Malaysia, pending on when we finish with our investigation and have your fund release to you as the said benefactor. To further the transactions, you are to produce the below requestedinformation as soon as possible. INFORMATION'S REQUESTED 1. Full name: 2. Contact address: 3. Telephone / Fax number: 4. Nationality: 5. Occupation: 6. Marital status:? 7. Copy of your driver’s license or international passport for onward verification.? This is to confirm the authenticity of your claim!! On receipt of the information, you shall be educated on the process mastered to facilitate this transaction in the earliest. Mr. Abdul Saram Foreign Payment Department Kuala Lumpur Malaysia

My response this time:

Quote:

Wow. You must be really, INCREDIBLY stupid.

You should right him back some ridiculous response trying to sell him a bent wire hanger as an assscratcher and demand his bank account information to invest in this once in a lifetime oppurtunity of what will surely be the hottest selling item this Christmas.

Here's an interesting one that came in today's mail. Wow! I've won question-mark million British Pounds! Thanks McDonald's!

Quote:

BodyMcDonald's Incorporation PO Box 1010,Liverpool L70 1NL,United Kingdom. SEASON GREETINGS & CONGRATULATIONS !!!! Your email ID# has won you the sum of ?1,000,000 GBP (British Pounds) prize money from the Annual 2011 McDonald's Lottery promotion. For Claims kindly send the below details below; ******************************************** SHORT DETAILED FORM Name: Address: Country: Telephone Number: Origin: (*) Lottery Held: Liverpool, United Kingdom (*) Month Held: November 22nd, 2011 ******************************************** Congratulations from me and members of staff of the THE McDonald's Lottery. Regards, Dr. Bella Hamburg. Online Promotion, McDonald Mega Million Lottery. Tel: +44-701-423-9975

How's your SPAM folder doin' folks? Mine still runneth over with offers to split millions of dollars in unclaimed foreign bank accounts, shady job offers, or letters informing me that I've won millions in British pounds (?) in online lotteries sponsored by big companies like Coca-Cola, BMW and Toyota. These are always tons of fun to read, of course, but they're nothing I haven't seen a zillion times already.... until I got this one today. The "Almost English" on this thing is off the freakin' charts. I honestly don't know WHAT it is they're trying to tell me. Is this a "business" proposal of some sort? Are they offering me a job? Did I win something? I don't know cuz I can't understand a word of it!!

Mind you, the subject line of this beauty was "Good Day From B.B.C. News" ... maybe it's just me, but I always thought they spoke English pretty fluently at the B.B.C., but this missive would seem to indicate otherwise :blink:

Enjoy!

Quote:

Good Day From B.B.C News. This massage might come to you, by surprise due to unexpected, but god bless you for been a one of the members to be, you are welcome, meanwhile is all just you good is our concern, The meeting held on Monday 5, march 2012 been executives meeting the opulence says that this 2012 shall be well for all souls worldwide, the director general ho humanized and said that this 2012 a person who wants to publicise his or her business should report immediately for urgent financial manifestation, supported by Mr:Beorneil and miss: ariakan, this achievement are based on what ever you are in to as you specialising businesses, then you need it to be well popular and well advertised, this information hulks on to if you are interested of having you businesses on well knowing worldwide, you can join this opportunity for you to let world know how you are, and what you are in to, You will only watch or witness it through you television world News (BBC) if you are interested to do, the only thing you have to do is for you to be careful and follow instructions given to you to avoid loosing you demands and unexpected embarrassment from the managements boards, You can contact us by showing you interest, This is where you businesses have to be well knowing such as, (1)Television News (2) Newspapers (3) Yahoo internet news (4) Radio news, etc. Contact email: bbc.news.worldwide@voila.fr ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Fill this application if you are interested on that, (1)You Name………………. (2)You occupations………… (3) You age………………… (4) You telephone No……… (5) You address …………… Thank you so much, you are warmly welcome.

It looks like you won a massage from some ho...................


Hopefully, she's cute.

Talk about babblefish...

Just got this one, sounds serious!

Quote:

Federal Bureau of Investigation Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC ROBERT S. MUELLER, Attention Beneficiary, Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling,Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have noticed that you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo/Mr.Lamido Sanusi of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Bode Williams, Frank, Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation. The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) on how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result of this, we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us. We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling $5,900,000.00(Five Million Nine Hundred Thousand Dollars). will be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of $15,000 a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world where you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM). We guarantee receipt of your payment. This is as a result of the mandate from US Government to make sure all debts owed to citizens of American and also Asia and Europe which includes Inheritance, Contract, Gambling/Lottery etc are been cleared. Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from Delivery Company website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully. Name:E LINDBERG:DHL Tracking Number 1426425615 (www.dhl.com) Name :PITELIS :UPS Tracking Number h8433223480 (www.ups.com) Name: GERALD D. WARNER FedEx Tracking number 875777537332 (www.fedex.com) To redeem your funds, you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you $200 Usd only and nothing more as everything else has been taken care of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $200.00 only. Mr. Samuel Okafor (ATM Card Center Director) Central Bank of Nigeria Central Business District, Cad astral Zone, federal Capital Territory, Nigeria. ATM Card Center Director Mr. Samuel Okafor Email: samuelokafor@yahoo.cn Phone: +234-802-077-5039 Do contact Mr. Samuel Okafor of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish him with your details as listed below: FULL NAMES: __________________________________ DELIVERY ADDRESS FOR ATM CARD: __________________ SEX: _______________ DATE OF BIRTH: __________________ OCCUPATION: __________________ TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________ EMAIL ADDRESS: _____________________ On contacting him with your details your file would be updated and he will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $200.00 via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order, after which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee. ROBERT S. MUELLER, DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535 Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Samuel Okafor of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon it immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

'Fraud Monitory Unit'

yes - we sound all officialitalory all right...

A lady in my office just asked me if I knew how to open a ZIP file. I sez "Yeah, why?" and she sez that she got an e-mail that she "thinks is spam" but she's not sure. I sez "You want to open an attachment in an e-mail that 'MIGHT' be spam? Are you nuts?"

So I go over to her desk and she shows me the e-mail, it's one of those classic broken-English scam mails pretending to be from United Parcel Service, saying "We were unable to deliver your package to its intended destination, please click here for more information." I sez "Have you sent a package through UPS recently?"... she sez "no." I sez "Well, there you go. And even if you HAD sent a package via UPS, why would they have your e-mail address? If you open that sh*t, you can say goodbye to your hard drive."

...now that I think about it, it would've been more entertaining to let her open the attachment, just to hear her scream as her computer was filled with barnyard porno or whatever godawfulness was hidden inside.

Sheesh.

You should check out this site http://www.419eater.com/, it's class. Shiver Metimbers is the best, once he convinced a scammer to get a tattoo saying "Baited by Shiver", and another time he got the scammer to send him £400.

The pictures are gas, too...

Got another bizarro-world, Almost-English mail today... the only proper response to this baby was "Who the hell are you and what the f**k are you talking about?"

Quote:

U.S.CHEMICAL DEPARTMENT Minerva House Third Floor London, SE1 9DH United Kingdom Attention Please We saw your file in our office you have paid some money and your work is not yet completed; comply with us for your work to be complete. Are You having A problem In Your Anti-breeze Defaced currency bank notes we are here to inform you that there is a new technology and new performance of chemical that can clean any deface currency within 15mins, the BHD2 auto mercury super direct solution, it can clean any amount of deface black money blue and green, we always surprise the world in terms of solution we are No1, any of our customers who want us to finish his job must follow the rules of the company so that we can properly finish the job. The company has stop production of chemical for the past six months now because of fake chemical producers and fake diplomat that is cheating people in the name of solution that is why we stop production, so we are telling all customers to be careful, we are still in search of most solution pirates, that cause a lot of people pains in the world without completing their job , so follow the right way and stop spending your money to non-diplomats who go around with fake (1)The company is responsible for any damage cause by our technician, the technician are properly train to clean any money with our free solution, our technician must been properly taking care of when he arrive in your city to do your job, (2) before the company can approve and send any of our customers the new BHD2 mercury super Automatic direct solution , the said customer must register with our agent in any of their cities, with the registration we can identify that you are the one to deliver the solution to and if your work is not done you have the right to contact the C E O, (Dr Collins Duke) (3) Each customer have to register with $700 immediately you finish paying the registration to the company or our agent account in your country, we will send our technician from hour company to meet you at your doorstep within 24hours with 1,liter BHD2 Automatic direct solution to finish your job. (4) Any money paid by our customers to the company is refundable when your work is not done, the company is responsible to pay any lost Amount paid to our client if his or her job is not completed, according to the policy of the company, the company is very ready to do your job as long our Technician is in your country India, the company is entitle to 3% of any money clean by our technician. (5) the bonanza have just view weeks to be over, any customer who register late will not be attend to, so all customers are require to register now so that your work can be finish on time, we here by inform our customers that the company has only ( 1 ) liter for each customers who register before the bonanza expire by 19th of August 2012, so hurry up now and finish Your cleaning before your black, or green, note dollars have expiring date, because all black, green, note dollars are Anti Breeze currency, so hurry and email us now we promise you a new look, the company percentage must be given to our technician immediately the job is complete. I WILL LIKE YOU TO ACCEPT THIS MAIL WITH GOOD FAITH . Thanks for your co-operation, with the USA chemical Company, Contact Email: chemical.departments@yahoo.in Dr. Collins Duke +447010051644 We supply all materials used in treating and cleaning of any type of defaced currency, Pounds, C FA France, Euros dollars. and other currencies

"Are You having A problem In Your Anti-breeze Defaced currency bank notes"

that sounds like a personal issue to me...